Silly Sports Billy tells you all his latest sports jokes, sports puns and sports one liners. He is already being talked about as being the funniest sports comedian. Enjoy his jokes.

Funny Sports Jokes by Silly Sports Billy Numbers 1-20

I signed up for yoga and my new instructor is awesome. He really bends over backwards for me.

I can quit alcohol anytime I want. I’ve already done it 8 times before!

I once entered the world Kleptomaniac championships. I took Gold, Silver and Bronze.

My news years resolution is to go to the gym….. ….. and cancel that membership I’ve been wasting money on.

I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tyres. They really messed up my sleep cycle.

I enjoy playing chess with old people in the park. The hard part is finding 32 of them.

I gave my friend an apple and he told me he prefers pears. So, I gave him another apple.

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A tiny part of me says yes.

I used to play football with my little son. Until my wife forced me to buy a ball.

A tennis ball walks into a bar… the barman asks….. “Have you been served?”

I beat a black belt at karate. My next challenge is a blue sock.

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m coming after you.

My doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to my high sodium intake. I took what he said with a pinch of salt.

My wife insists that yoga is the BEST form of exercise. But that’s stretching things to far.

When I was younger, I wanted to play the tennis really badly. Now after many years of hard work and practice. I can play tennis really badly.

I quit my job working for Nike Just couldn’t do it anymore.

I’m just back from my friend’s funeral. He died after a tennis ball hit him in the head…. It was a beautiful service, to be fair.

Some say my company sells substandard parachutes….But no customer has complained so far.

This is a joke about the shirt you are wearing right now. It probably went over your head, didn’t it?

I’ve been breeding racing deer I’m just trying to make a quick buck.

My struggle with steroid addiction didn’t kill me…But it made me stronger.

Funny Sports Jokes by Silly Sports Billy Numbers 21-43

How many people with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? You wanna go watch the football?

I told the cop, ‘You cant write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run later.’ The cop said, ‘Sir, that’s not how you play the race card!’

My wife left me because of gambling addiction. I bet I can win her back

I just can t believe this; I was burgled the other day and all that was taken was my limbo stick. I mean, how low can you go.

What do you do? I race cars. Do you win many races? No, the cars are much faster.

My new girlfriend told me I’m terrible in bed. I told her its unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute.

I am giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, that came out all wrong.

I am giving up. Drinking for a month.

My daughter asked me if I had seen the dog bowl? I said, I didn’t even know he could.

My dogs name is Minton. Today he ate my shuttlecock. Bad Minton!

Horse walks into a bar

Bartender : Hey

Horse: Yes please

Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard? Because his Visa didn’t work!

My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un American. I saw it coming from kilometre away.

Man, I burned 3000 calories easily today. I left my food in the oven for too long!

You know a shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark… So in a triathlon it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Did you know that ‘T Shirt’ is actually an abbreviation of Tyrannosaurus Shirt…… because of the short arms.

My coach asked me the other day if I could perform under pressure. I told him ‘No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody.’

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.

Can I tell you something from the bottom of my heart? Right ventricle

What do call people who go to the gym and look at the equipment? Weight watchers

Where do personal trainers get their food? In the fitchen!

A cop knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes!

What’s the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you’re out if you are caught stealing.

I named my dog 10 miles, so I can tell people that I walk 10 ten miles every single day!

Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

Funny Sports Jokes by Silly Sports Billy Numbers 44-77

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.

“I ran a half marathon”, sounds so much better than, “I quit halfway through a marathon.”

I tried water polo the other day but unfortunately my horse drowned!

I am known at the gym as the “before picture.”

My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it!

What race is never run? A swimming race!

I used to train using a stopwatch….. now I use a calendar!

When I go jogging, I always wear my old CD player, so people think I have been running since the 90’s.

I work out almost every day. Friday I almost worked out, Saturday I almost worked out, Sunday I almost worked out……

Tennis would be so much more fun if they used dogs instead of kids to fetch the balls.

Why is tennis such a noisy game? Because each player raises a racket!

I know Ju Jitsu, Judo, Aikido and many other scary words!

Why is not good to play tennis in a court? Because you might be arrested!

Doing Yoga got me out of the habit of biting my fingernails. Now I bite my toenails!

Why do soccer players do so well at math? Because they are always using their heads!

I was a climbing centre the other day, but someone had stolen all the hand grips from the walls, honestly you couldn’t make it up!

I’ve been running as fast as I can, but I still cant catch my breath.

How many tennis players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  “What do you mean it was out! It was in!”

How do you know that soccer referees are happy? Because they whistle while they work!

Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

Do people who take their bikes on the subway not realise what bikes are for?

What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsmanship!

Football gave me a traumatic brain injury and I was only watching!

Guy: Wanna go out?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Guy: It’s just like soccer, just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score.

Yo mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team.

I have decided to stop exercising and learn Photoshop instead.

We moved the treadmill outside so I can smoke.

Where do bad gymnasts belong? Behind parallel bars!

When I’m racing my motorbike, I can’t decide whether to have my visor half open or half closed!

Just had a good workout at the YMCA, I don’t want to make a song and a dance about it.

You know I spent all day yesterday practicing throwing with blunt javelins. Pointless.

I was watching the Olympics and there was a man with a really long bag over his shoulder. I said to him, you must be a pole vaulter? He replied: “No, I am a German and how do you know my name?”

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