The best 230 sports jokes part 3. Number 162 is very clever.

131. How does Lionel Messi change a light bulb? He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.

132. He’s an ambidextrous fighter. He can get knocked out with either hand.

133. I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match. I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.

134. Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano? His undertaker.

135. How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.

136. The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out “Aston Villa are good enough to win the Champions League” Snow White says, “Well at least Dopey’s alive!”

137. What do you call a lady in goal? Annette!

138. I told my girlfriend I had a new job in a bowling alley.. She said “Tenpin?” I said, “No, it’s permanent.”

139. Getting into shape, I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

140. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

141. Why did the skydiving club disband? Because they had a falling out.

142. Bob and Tom both like to golf. One-day Bob went to Tom and said, “Hey look at this great ball!” Tom replied, “What’s so great about it?” Bob said, “Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!” “Wow!” said Tom, “Where did you get that from?” Bob replied, “I found it.”

143. What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man? Pitching like no one has ever seen.

144. Golfer: “How do you like my game?” Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”

145. Why are baseball umpires fat? They always clean their plate!

146. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

147. Why did the police officer go to the softball game? Someone stole second base!

148. Sarah was reading a newspaper whilst her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.” “Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?” “Absolutely not,” he said. “How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.” “Season’s more than half over,” he said.

149. I was at a wedding last week. When the bride came down the aisle, the groom was waiting for her with his golf bag and clubs. She asks, “Why the heck did you bring your golf clubs to the wedding?” He turns to her and replies, “Honey, you don’t mean to tell me this is gonna take all day!”

150. In the 1984 sheep dog trials, none were convicted!

151. Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.” Caddy: “I don’t think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”

152. A man went to doctor, “Doctor every night in my dream, I am playing football.” Doctor say, “Take these pills, they will help you sleep better.” The man, “I can’t take them, tonight is the final game and I’m playing centre forward.”

153. Jose Mourinho was caught speeding on his way to the Tottenham Hotspur stadium today. “I’ll do anything for three points,” he said when questioned.

154. Hockey players are like goldfish. Just tap on the glass to get their attention.

155. What are Arsenal fans going to do after they win the Champions League? Shut down the play-station.

156. Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary. I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Harry Harry,” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “don’t you know? That’s what video recorders and hard drives are for.” Harry’s face lit up. “You mean I could record your sermon?”

157. I used to dream of playing golf like Tiger Woods. Now I can.

158. Ref: I’m sending you off. Player: What for? Ref: The rest of the match!

159. A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot. Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the pa system – “Will the gentleman on the lady’s tee please move back to the men’s tee.” He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again. The voice again – “Will the man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?” He looked back at the starters shack and yelled, “Will the IDIOT on the pa shut up so that the man on the lady’s tee can hit his second shot?”

160. Does running late count as exercise?

161. For some time, my wife’s had this crazy idea that I’m playing too much golf. Things finally came to a head at about midnight last night. She suddenly shouted at me: “Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!” I’ll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don’t expect to meet anybody on the 16th tee at that time of night.

162. I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

163. What are the rules for zebra baseball? Three stripes and you’re out.

164. During a marathon, there was one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. Not that old debate again!

165. Manager to player: “I’ll give you 100 pounds a week to start with and 200 pounds a week in a year’s time!” Player to Manager: “Well, I’ll come back in a year’s time!”

166. What do you call a Cleveland Browns QB at the Super Bowl? A spectator.

167. A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

168. What did the bowling pins do because they kept getting hit? They went on strike.

169. Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It’s distracting!” Caddy: “This isn’t a watch, sir, it’s a compass!”

170. How do you make a fruit punch? Give it boxing lessons.

171. What kind of stories are told by basketball players? Tall Tales.

172. Golfer: “Well, I have never played this badly before! Caddy: “I didn’t realise you had played before, sir.”

173. Why are hockey rinks rounded? Because if they had 90 degrees, the ice would melt.

174. Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from? The tooth fairy.

175. Why are hockey players so good at making friends? They’re quick to break the ice.

176. What’s the difference between hockey and boxing? In hockey, the fights are real.

177. Did you hear the joke about the softball? It will leave you in stitches!

178. Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.

179. A man went to the doctor one day and said: “I’ve just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt.” The doctor gave him the once over as told him, “You’ve broken your finger.”

180. A man and his wife are playing the fifth hole at their club when he slices his drive so far to the right it rolls into an equipment barn. He finds the ball and plans to take a drop when she says, “Let me go down to the other end of the barn and hold the door open. Then you can hit your ball through the door and back to the fairway.” He thinks this is a good idea, so she holds the door. He takes a big swing, but rather than flying through the door, the ball hits his wife in the head and kills her. A year later, the same man and his new bride are playing the same hole when he again slices the ball into the shed. He finds it and plans to take an unplayable lie when she says, “Let me go down to the other end of the barn and hold the door open. Then you can hit your ball through the door and back to the fairway.” He looks at her, shakes his head and explains, “No way. The last time I tried that, I took a triple bogey on this hole!”

Adult sports jokes on Tav Chlordane
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The best sports jokes
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